


The Many Types of Love

by violetwolfraven



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Accidental Kid Aquisition, Adoption, Cool Aunts Rey and Rose, Family Dynamics, Force-Sensitive Finn, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Parents Finn and Poe, Referenced past child abuse, Slowburn Finnpoe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21928876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetwolfraven/pseuds/violetwolfraven
Summary: After the First Order fell, not all the troopers get the message. The mission was supposed to be an easy routine op. None of the crew, Rose, Rey, Finn, or Poe, were expecting any complications. But things get interesting when they run into a young storm trooper with no idea there could be more to life than fighting for a cause she never asked for.
Relationships: Finnpoe, Stormpilot - Relationship
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was kinda pissed at Disney for not making Finnpoe canon, like a lot of the fandom. So, I fixed it. Or, I will, in future chapters. Hope you enjoy.

The annoying part about all the leadership of the bad guys dying was that most of the troops didn’t get the message. They just established new leaders and kept doing what they were doing. I.e, killing innocent people.

And since there was no real government and no real political structure now, there was just Rose and Rey and Finn and Poe going around and blowing those bad guys up.

Sometimes they were joined by Zorrii or Jannah, but for the most part, it was just the 4 of them, Finn and Poe commanding what troops they had while they ran mission after mission on _The Falcon_ and kept as busy as they could. As much as Finn didn’t like to admit it, it kept them from processing things. From processing that Leia was really gone and so many of their allies had just left once they found out their symbol of hope was no longer alive.

The four of them had gotten closer on these missions. They were a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield and a close group of friends off it. The four of them could know exactly what one another needed in battle without even talking about it and know exactly what to say to make someone feel better when they were down. Their dynamic was strong.

And Finn totally didn’t want to change up that dynamic. This friendship was effortless and comfortable. He didn’t need to change it just because of strange, confusing feelings for one member of their dream team in particular.

But anyway, their bond was unbreakable. They were a good team. Probably the best team in the Resistance.

So, here they were, blowing up a Star Destroyer by infiltrating it and planting charges yet again. Rose was a bit short to pass for a storm trooper, but she was good with a blaster in a pinch, so they weren’t just going to leave her behind.

The trooper facing them now was almost as short as Rose, which was saying something. Typical trooper armor meant it was hard to tell if it was a guy or a girl, but whatever the case, a trooper that short probably wasn’t fully grown. Must be a late bloomer.

Actually, most of the troopers they’d taken out were around the same height, so that probably meant...

No. The bastards wouldn’t. At least, Finn really hoped they wouldn’t, as much as his instincts were telling him that it was true.

“Let me take this one,” he mumbled stepping to the front of the group.

“You sure?” Rey asked.

“I’ve got it.”

Surprisingly, the trooper tossed their blaster aside. Finn could practically sense the smirk under the helmet as she spoke in a distinctively female voice.  
  


“Let’s make this a fair fight, shall we?”

Finn wasn’t all that great with hand-to-hand, but he nodded, putting up his fists.

The trooper attacked first, clearly expecting to have the upper hand. She was skilled—more skilled than Finn was. But she was also smaller than him. A lot smaller. And Finn wasn’t aiming to kill her. All he needed was one opening, and he got it as he managed to block her kick and throw her off balance.

Storm troopers had a blind spot where their helmet visors didn’t let them see. With one easy dodge, Finn managed to get in that blind spot and kick her in the side to knock her off her feet.

The trooper struggled as Finn put his boot on her chest, pinning her with his full weight.

”Cheater!” she grunted as she struggled. Finn knew she couldn’t escape, him and his gear being much heavier than any trooper her size.

“Finn?” Poe asked, “What are you doing?”

”Trust me,” Finn said, having a strong suspicion that he was right, “Take off the bucket.”

”What?”

Finn could only imagine her expression. He could only imagine what he would have thought if an enemy had pinned him and told him to take off his helmet back when he was a storm trooper.

”You heard me,” Finn pressed, “Take the bucket off.”

”Do what he says,” Rey said, aiming her lightsaber at the trooper’s face.

Finn tried to think as loudly as he could about what he suspected was going on. He had no idea if Rey heard him, but the lightsaber did lower to be aimed at her shoulder. 

Slowly, the trooper put her hands on her helmet, twisting it slightly to remove the bucket easily.

Unfortunately, Finn was right.

The trooper had brown eyes and brown hair in a regulation (if not very feminine) cut, with pale skin and an angry expression on her face.

Her face, which held youthful features which meant she was much too young to be fighting.

When Finn had been with the First Order, they’d never used soldiers out of training younger than 18. This girl looked much younger than that. She didn’t even look like she’d finished puberty.

Finn knew that his friends would be making the same realization about the trooper’s age that he was.

”How old are you?” Poe asked, sounding horrified.

”Does that matter?” the girl asked, “You’re just going to kill me.”

”Answer the question,” Rey pressed, clearly faking her aggression, now, not willing to hurt a kid.

”I’m 15 cycles old,” the girl said tightly, “Now get it over with.”

Finn could see the fear in this girl’s eyes. He could _sense_ it. She was terrified to die, but loyal to her cause.

Loyal to the cause she’d been brainwashed into.

”Rose, Rey, Poe, go finish the mission,” Finn ordered, “I’ll handle this.”

”I’ll stay,” Poe decided, “Watch your back.”

”The two of us can blow this bird on our own,” Rose assured him.

”Okay,” Finn agreed, “Try to warn any troopers you find to get to the escape pods. I have a sinking suspicion not many of them are any older than this kid.”

”Okay,” Rey agreed, running off, her worry and horror trailing behind her.

...

Finn sat across from the trooper in the hallway, her hands tied behind her back with a scarf. The kid was stubborn. He could sense that much. She wouldn’t talk to him willingly, but Finn hoped he had bought himself some trust by having Rey and her lightsaber leave.

”Are all the others as young as you?”

Maybe the question was blunt. But it wasn’t like storm troopers were briefed on social standards, so at least this was a language she would understand.

”Maybe,” she said, “Why does that matter?”

”The First Order isn’t supposed to send out troopers less than 18,” Finn mumbled, “At least, they weren’t while I was there.”

”While you were—“ the kid’s face filled with hate in a split second, “You’re a deserter!”

”I prefer the term, ‘free,’” Finn contradicted, “Kid—agh, do you have a name?”

”Names encourage individuality,” she said harshly, “Individuality—“

”Can create disloyalty,” Finn finished, “Yeah, I remember. I also remember that a lot of the kids in training gave each other nicknames. The names never stuck once you got older and scattered around the galaxy, but most cadets have one. Mine was Justice. What’s your’s?”

”My name is TZ9925,” the girl said stubbornly.

God, how did Rey do it? She had a way of finding out what she needed to know. Of influencing people. Even if Finn didn’t want to force this girl to tell him, he did wish he could help her feel a bit calmer and less afraid.

”What’s your name?” Finn asked again, trying to use his tone to show her she had a choice, “Look, you don’t have to tell me, but it would be nice to call you something besides ‘kid.’”

Finn guessed he’d succeeded in helping her feel calmer, because the girl’s gaze faded from angry and afraid to confused to wary but not scared. She relaxed just a little.

”Shadow,” she mumbled, “My old pack used to call me Shadow.”

”Any of your ‘pack’ here?” Poe asked gently.

”Just two,” Shadow muttered, “Wait, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. You’re the enemy.”

”If you really feel that way, why _are_ you telling me?” Finn asked.

Shadow shrugged, “Just a feeling.”

As her brown eyes met Finn’s again, he felt some kind of connection between them. Somehow, some way, he was meant to find this girl. He was meant to help her.

“Come with us,” Finn offered, “Shadow, you’re a kid. The First Order is using you. They wouldn’t care if you died and they don’t care that you’re alive. Trust me. I know. You’re loyal to them. You kill for them and you risk your life for them. For what? They kill innocent people and they expect you to do it, too. Think, Shadow.”

”With us, you could have a home,” Poe added, “You could figure out who you are without the First Order. We can help you.”

”But you do have a choice,” Finn pressed, “You can come or you can stay. It’s your decision.”

Shadow looked confused and Finn didn’t blame her. In all the time he’d been with the First Order, Finn had never once been offered a choice. Not in anything. He doubted Shadow had either. This was the probably first time she’d been given the opportunity to control her own fate.

She stood up slowly, leaning against the wall to get to her feet without her hands.

”Can you untie me?”

Finn grinned, taking that as a yes and letting her turn around so he could untie her hands.

The kid kept glancing around like she was afraid someone would see. Finn didn’t blame her. He had been paranoid when he got out, too, so it wasn’t like he could judge in any way. But Rey had taken out all the cameras and Rose had taken care of the scanners. No one would be watching as they got the hell—

Suddenly, Shadow had whipped around and was making a shoving motion with her hands, the air humming with power.

Whoa. So that was what it felt like to get shoved up against the wall by the force.

”Finn!” Poe shouted, before he was shoved up against the wall, too.

”Nice try, rebel scum,” Shadow chuckled, “But us storm troopers aren’t as dumb as we look.”

The kid only stopped long enough to grab her helmet before racing off down the hallway.

...

”And you’re _sure?”_ Rey asked, “You’re absolutely sure she was Force-sensitive?”

”She shoved us against a wall _with her mind_ , Rey,” Poe confirmed, “I don’t think she could possibly not be.”

”I get that,” Rey mumbled, “But I just... I don’t understand. I couldn’t sense her at all.”

”I could,” Finn countered.

Rey shot him a doubtful look. She knew that Finn was Force-sensitive, but she’d only been training him on their off time for a few months. Finn had to admit this looked bad. Rey had a lot more experience than him. How would Finn sense a Force-sensitive where she didn’t?

But Finn had. He was _sure_.

Rey’s gaze softened as she sensed exactly how sure Finn was, and she nodded.

”Okay. So this trooper, Shadow, is a potential padawan. We’re missing the other part. Even if she made it off that destroyer—which she probably did, since we straight up forced any of those baby troopers we found onto escape pods—she ditched you. She’s loyal to the First Order.”

”Which reminds me,” Poe cut in, “Why are the First Order using barely-trained teenagers, anyway? That kid wasn’t old enough to be in combat by anyone’s standards.”

”And she wasn’t the youngest, either,” Rey said gravely, “I forced a couple of other troopers to tell me how old they were. The youngest was 13.”

”Force,” Poe cursed, “General Organa didn’t let me out until I was 17, and _I_ was too young.”

”Bastards,” Rose mumbled, “All of them. I’m going to burn what’s left of that horrible organization to the ground.”

”While I appreciate the enthusiasm,” Poe said, “I hope you don’t mean you’re going to burn down all those kid troopers, too. They didn’t ask for this.”

”Of course not. I meant the people who forced them into this.”

”Of course.”

”Back to that one kid trooper,” Rey diverted, “Again. She ditched you. It doesn’t really seem like she wants to be saved.”

”Did Ben Solo?” Poe pointed out.

”Fair point,” Rey admitted, “But again. The First Order has never exactly been kind to Force-sensitives. How do we know that this kid hasn’t already been executed for her abilities?”

”Finn survived,” Poe pointed out.

”I didn’t know what I was,” Finn admitted, “It kind of seems like Shadow does. But she’s smart. She knows what they might do to her if they found out. She checked the hallway to make sure the cameras were disabled before she used any kind of Force powers.”

”Hmm,” Rey considered, “Okay, that’s a fair point. But if she knew to do that...”

”She checked everything pretty quickly,” Poe agreed, “Like she’d been skirting cameras—keeping herself safe—for a long time.”

”Still,” Rey pressed, “Finn, you know how hard it is to learn even basic levitation. Lifting two full-grown men and holding it for more than a second? You don’t just figure that out on your own.”

Finn realized. Force, he was so stupid. How had he not realized before now?

”If she’s that good at using the Force... who taught her?”


	2. First Contact, Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s where the first real Finnpoe content comes in, a bit later in the chapter. Also, I hate Kylo as much as the next guy, but as far as the canon goes, he makes Rey happy, so I am writing him the way I would‘ve liked to see a decent redemption arc. Also, I have no idea how much time passed between episode 8 and episode 9. For simplicity’s sake, in this universe, it was 3 years.

_4 years ago..._

_You were strong or you were dead. That was how training in the First Order worked._

_That didn’t stop the future troopers from grouping off and helping each other. Letting skill and attitude divide them up naturally into little ‘gangs.’ A gang wasn’t an official squadron. That wasn’t how it worked. But everyone knew that there was a hierarchy. Different gangs were more or less skilled, and that corresponded to the levels of respect they got, even from their teachers._

_Most gangs had been established for generations, bringing in new members as they aged into the program. But one was new. They hadn’t been brought together by any elder guidance. The program was ages 11 to 18, and these cadets were all only 11, and already near the top of the program’s hierarchy._

_5 cadets out of hundreds were above the rest. All of the cadets and their teachers knew it._

_And Kylo Ren knew it, too._

_A few young troopers standing out above the rest could only mean one thing. The Supreme Leader had sent him to make absolutely certain that it wasn’t just luck before following through with standard issue protocol on what to do with potentially dangerous cadets._

_And the First Order’s protocol was a bit more... terminal than the Old Empire’s._

_The first cadet he met with was, according to the teachers, the leader of her gang. A human girl. And Kylo Ren had only two thoughts as he looked at her._

_She was so small, and she didn’t look afraid, even without her helmet._

_She stared him right in the eye with only defiance, not letting anything in her face hint at the fear he could sense beneath the surface.  
_

_Impressive, considering this was an 11-cycle-old child._ _  
_

_”You know who I am.” It wasn’t a question._

_”I do,” the cadet answered in her childishly high-pitched voice._

_”Do you know why you’re here?”_

_”No.”_

_She was rebellious in an almost imperceptible way. She didn’t say ‘no, sir,’ like the other cadets and even troopers. She was still loyal to the First Order, by what Ren could sense, but she wasn’t blindly so. It was somewhat... refreshing, after years of troopers who never questioned anything._

_”Get out of my head.”_

_The cadet’s voice was small as she said it, but inside, Ren could feel her will battling against his. She was fighting him. She wasn’t strong enough to win, but... she was too strong to not be what he thought she was._

_”Are all your friends like you?” Ren asked. He didn’t mean the question to be threatening, but the cadet tensed._

_”If they are, what will you do with them?” she asked tightly._

_She wasn’t afraid for herself, Ren realized. This cadet was terrified, yes. But she was scared for her friends. She wanted to protect them. She had a protective instinct that reminded Ren of himself at her age. Himself with the friends who would become his Knights._

_And she didn’t know that protocol dictated that he should kill her and any other Force-sensitives he found._

_“Nothing,” Ren said gently, taking off his helmet._

_He could sense her surprise. She hadn’t fully expected him to be a man under that helmet.  
_

_She was so much like Ben Solo had been at her age. Defiant. Brave. Feeling a power she couldn’t control and certainly couldn’t ignore.  
_

_At her age, Ben had needed someone who understood his anger and helped him accept the powers he didn’t understand.  
_

_As much as it was a weakness, Kylo Ren looked at this girl and he saw himself. He couldn’t just let her and her friends die._

_”You need a teacher, Little Shadow,” Ren told her, “I’ll show you the ways of the Force.”_

_..._

Present Day...

As much as Finn wanted to just keep looking for Shadow and any others like her—like him—Resistance duties did call. Another day, another old First Order vase that needed destroying.

This one was a base that built new Destroyers. So, naturally, they had to blow it up, and that took priority to finding a girl, who Finn had no idea of her real name or who she even really was. Only that she was Force-sensitive and seemed to be some kind of kindred spirit to what Finn had gone through? He wasn’t sure.

“Finn.”

Finn had to admit, just Poe’s presence was strangely soothing.

”You’re thinking about that girl. Shadow.”

It wasn’t a question. Poe knew Finn too well to think for even a second that he _wouldn’t_ stress about this.

Finn sighed, “She’s not just some kid, Poe. She’s me when I was a kid. Forced into a cause she never chose and yet convinced it’s the right one because they never let her see an alternative. Losing herself because the Force is trying to send her the right way and she can’t listen to it. The only difference is that she has a name to the way that she’s different and I didn’t.”

”You want to give her the support you never had,” Poe said, “I get it. But you can’t save someone who doesn’t know they need saving, buddy. First, you need to show her she does.”

”That’s not bad advice,” Finn admitted, “When did you get wise?”

”I’ve always been wise. You’re just too dumb to see it sometimes.”

Finn punched his friend in the arm before letting himself get pulled into a hug. It was nice, just standing semi-awkwardly in the middle of the room with only each other.  
  


Hugs were a lot less awkward when five seconds before, you hadn’t been sure you were going to see that person ever again.

”If this kid is that important to you, we’ll get her,” Poe whispered, “We’ll find a way to help her, even if she doesn’t know she needs it, yet.”

”Thanks,” Finn mumbled, “Rey’s got her doubts and Rose only half believes me. Thank you for standing by me even when nobody else does.”

“Well, you stand by me when I want to do stupid things that’ll make Rey hate me for damaging _The Falcon_.”

Finn couldn’t help but laugh as he halfway pulled away from the hug, “What would we do without each other?”

Poe shrugged, “Something that would get us killed, probably.”

”Probably.”

”If you two are done,” Rey said, at which point they jumped apart, noticing how she was standing in the doorway of Finn’s cabin, “We do have a base to blow up. Rose is already on her way to _The Falcon_. Whenever you’re ready.”

”Right,” Finn said.

”Talk more about your little friend after?” Poe asked once Rey was gone.

”Yeah. Maybe.”

Finn really wanted to talk about something else, but...

For now, he just needed to focus on the mission.

...

Rose was headed to the generator, Rey was on her way to the control room, and Poe was waiting for a quick getaway, supposedly, but Finn knew he’d probably snuck into the base to ‘help’ with the op by now.

Finn turned a corner, headed towards the armory to steal back the Kyber weapons that would make this explosion a bit _too_ interesting.

Just a few more corridors, and...

“You’ve _got_ to be shitting me.”

Finn found himself face to face with a too-short storm trooper, again. A trooper that Finn could sense was Shadow.

”You know this scum?”

And this time, she had a friend. A male trooper, probably about her age, and only a little bit taller.

”Only seen him once,” she explained tightly, “He tried to get me to defect.”

”Defect? You?” the other trooper laughed, “So the rebels _are_ as dumb as they look. Guess you-know-who was wrong.”

Finn felt Shadow’s sorrow as keenly as anything he felt himself. It was fleeting, but it was strong. And it was felt nearly as keenly by the other trooper.

”Care to introduce your friend?” Finn asked.

”Doesn’t matter who I am,” the other trooper said with what Finn could only imagine was a shit-eating smile, “You’ll be dead long before you need to know. You want this one, or should I?”

Shadow shrugged, “Not worth my time.”

”Ouch,” Finn said.

”Alright, then,” the other trooper said, stepping forward, “Let’s have some fun.”

The trooper jumped up against the wall, doing an aerial off it.

What the..?

Apparently, what was the trooper’s distraction worked as he shot with twin handguns at Finn.

It was only thanks to the Force that he managed to jump backwards out of the way, both shots going off harmlessly against the wall.

”What the..?” Finn could feel the trooper’s shock, “Shad, he’s—“

” _Shit_ ,” Shadow said, and Finn realized that she didn’t know. Him making an unnaturally long jump was the only unusual ability she’d ever seen him show, and it was looking like she couldn’t sense him.

”See?” Finn asked, “Former storm trooper to current storm trooper. Both attuned to the Force. Not so different.”

”Screw you,” Shadow said, completely deadpan. 

Luckily, she and the other trooper were distracted enough that they didn’t notice Poe sneaking up behind them until it was too late to stop him from stunning them.

To be honest, not what Finn had in mind, and it obviously a showed on his face.

”You wanted them alive, right?” Poe asked.

”I didn’t mean to stun them!” Finn scolded, “I meant, ‘keep any of their friends away so that I can persuade them to come with us!’”

”Oh, come on,” Poe chided, “You didn’t even know that she was going to have a friend with her.”

”I still wanted to give her a choice!”

”Yeah, well, she can make it later,” Poe said dismissively, “Because right now, we need to get her and her friend to the brig of our ship and come back for those Kyber weapons.”

Finn nodded, not happy about it, but taking the heavier of the two kids; the boy, and running for where their ship was docked.”


	3. Connection

_”Don’t think. Feel. You’ll know what to do.”_

_Shadow tried her best, keeping the borrowed blade up and extending her senses beyond her body. Nothing she hadn’t done a million times before, except this time, she was trying to sense a machine instead of another person._

_”You can do it, Shadow!” she heard one of her friends call quietly._

_”Not helping,” she shot back, needing to concentrate._

_The special training Shadow and her friends were receiving came with only a few conditions._

_1, that they kept it a secret, no matter what._

_2, that they trusted their teacher, and never questioned an order._

_And 3, that they never used their abilities anywhere but in training. In normal training, they were to pull back in an effort to look normal._

_All these rules were meant to protect them, Shadow knew. But after years of using her powers on instinct, of all of them using their powers on instinct, it was hard to rein them in. To not use them, for their own safety.  
_

_And the part about trusting their teacher, Shadow wasn’t completely sure about, either. She had read enough about Kylo Ren in military strategy classes that she respected him as a commander, but she didn’t know why he was doing what he was doing. It really seemed like he was training the 5 of them for no reason, helping them learn control and get more powerful._

_He was giving them names, refusing to refer to them by their numbers as soon as he found the right one for each cadet._

_Shadow wasn’t quite sure when she’d started thinking of herself as Shadow at all. She just knew that having names was just a little bit of, well... freedom. It was exhilarating, in a way._

_”Shadow, focus!”_

_Not focusing earned her a stinging blast from the training bot._

_”This is why you must focus,” Ren emphasized, “You need to push away your emotions and your thoughts. You need to feel things other than yourself. If you focus, you’ll know where the bot is and where it’s going to shoot.”_

_”But yesterday you told us to hone our emotions in a fight!” One of her friends exclaimed._

_Shadow heard Ren chuckle, “I did. But this is a different exercise. When you can’t rely on your vision, your emotions become a distraction. You need to learn to block them out. Focus. Feel where the bot is going to be.”_

_Shadow’s friends muttered amongst themselves, trying to understand, but Shadow blocked them out. She blocked out all her desperation and fear. She wanted so badly to impress Kylo Ren. To make him proud of her. But she blocked that out, too._

_The bot was somewhere off to her right, but it was going to aim for her left shoulder._

_”Good,” Ren said as she blocked the shot, “Anyone else?”_

_As Shadow flipped up the visor on her helmet, she spotted a blond boy raising his hand confidently, a smirk on his face._

_..._

Shadow jolted awake, finding herself on a thin cot in a cell.

How the hell had she..? Shit.

The rebels had taken her prisoner. And she hadn’t been alone when they did. 

“Hawk?” 

Her friend was still unconscious, his helmet off to the side as he rested on a cot across the room from hers. Shadow crossed the room in a second to shake him awake.

”Hawk, wake up!” She hissed, “Wake up!”

”What?”

Hawk almost smashed heads with her as he sat up.

Shadow watched him take in their surroundings, feeling his fear fill the air.

”Shad, we got taken. We got captured. Oh, shit.”

”It’s okay,” Shadow tried to assure him, “It’s going to be...”

Her voice trailed off. She didn’t want to say things she and Hawk both didn’t know if it was true.

”What do you think they’ll do to us? For information, I mean.”

Hawk’s question was depressing, but he was right to wonder. They’d both grown up hearing stories of the Resistance’s cruelty. Supposedly, if you didn’t break in interrogation, they’d bring in a Jedi to _make_ you break.

Of course, that was all just rumor. Some of the legends were probably true, but a lot of it was probably exaggerated. The problem was, no one had any way of knowing _how much_ of it was exaggerated.

All Shadow could do was trust her instincts. The deserter hadn’t killed her when he had the chance. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who would.

She couldn’t know for sure. But Hawk was her friend. Her comrade. In every way except blood, he was her brother. She had to give him some kind of reassurance.

”It’s alright,” Shadow said, “If they were going to kill us, they’d have done it already. And I’ve felt the deserter—the rebel who captured us. He’s weak. He doesn’t have the stomach to make us tell him anything.”

”What about the others?” Hawk asked, “Have you felt them?”

Shadow shrugged, “I doubt the traitor would have survived if the Resistance wasn’t lead by people like him. People who aren’t willing to do what it takes.”

...

”Wow, they’re fun,” Poe said, watching from a monitor, “Completely psychotic, in a way, but fun.”

”I can feel the boy’s fear from all the way up here,” Rey mumbled, “The girl is scared, too, but the boy is practically using it as fuel.”

“The Dark Side,” Finn mumbled, “That’s how it works, right?”

”Negative emotions, yes,” Rey confirmed, “Someone must have trained them like that. To use the Dark Side.”

”Do you think Kylo Ren taught them?”   
  
Finn could sense Rey’s sadness when Rose asked. He didn’t know the details of how his old boss had died and why Rey was even sad about it, but he knew that she felt too much for it to be nothing, like she usually _said_ it was. ‘Ben,’ as Rey called him, had meant something to her, even if Finn didn’t really know why.

”I don’t know,” she admitted, “If Ben taught them, he never told me.”

”First Order advance training starts at age 11,” Finn explained, “That’s when combat and physical training starts. That’s about the age I started noticing things were different for me than for the other troopers.”

”And First Order protocol dictates that they kill any Force-sensitives in the storm trooper program,” Poe added, “So whether Ren trained these kids or not, someone saved their lives about 4 years ago.”

”I know a guy who knows a guy,” Rose offered, “I can ask him to hack into the First Order’s old database and pull up info on these specific troopers. Could take a while, though.”

”Yeah, you go do that,” Finn agreed, “But for now, I should probably talk to them, by myself.”

”Why you alone?” Poe asked sharply.

”He’s right,” Rey agreed, “Finn, it’s too dangerous. _They’re_ too dangerous.”

”They’ve been brainwashed into the First Order. They don’t know there’s another way.

”I know,” Rey said, “I know it’s not their fault. That doesn’t mean they won’t lash out if they feel threatened.”

Finn turned his gaze back to the monitor, where Shadow was looking straight up at the camera, seeming to be glaring right at him. He wanted to help her, but he had to admit that his friends were right.

”I’ll take Poe,” he decided.

”Good choice,” Poe agreed, “I’ll keep my blaster on stun, just in case.”

”Only use it if _absolutely_ necessary.”

”You really think I’d let you down and shoot a couple kids like that?”

”What? No! I just—“

”Relax; I was kidding. Now let’s go make some friends.”

...

Shadow wasn’t afraid of the men that came into the cell. She recognized them. 

Deserter and his partner.

She and Hawk would be fine.

”Brought you some food,” Deserter’s partner said, setting down a couple trays, “We thought you might be hungry. Hope you don’t mind giant bug, because that’s about all the game that’s manageable to catch out here.”

”I don’t mind anything that means I can’t taste the poison,” Shadow deadpanned.

”We’re not here to hurt you,” Deserter said gently, “My name is Finn. This is Poe. We want to help you.”

”We don’t need your help, rebel scum,” Hawk spat. 

Shadow was just a little proud of how he didn’t sound scared.

”I know you can do things the other kids in the training program couldn’t,” Finn said calmly, “I was just like you once. A kid who watched all his friends progress what seemed like too slow, because they couldn’t sense the shots before they happened. Knowing the answers to questions on written tests without having to study. Being able to jump higher than anyone to climb out of the Well. Only, since my friends couldn’t go as fast as I could, I slowed down. Nobody noticed me, so I never got the training you did.”

”Nobody else knows, do they?” Poe asked, “About your abilities. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have split your squadron up.”

”We are proud to go wherever the First Order needs us,” Shadow said. 

Finn flinched when she said that. Shadow had to admit, the line was a bit automatic. Just one of many that she’d learned in training with every other storm trooper.

Which, she guessed, meant Finn had learned it, too.

“I remember my gang,” Finn continued, “The older ones were tough on us younger ones, but now I know they were just trying to get us ready for war. Trying to protect us. The older cadets always tried to get the younger ones ready. Each gang had its own way of doing that. But I tried to keep tabs on my old friends, via a buddy who wound up in Records, and... well, I’m all that’s left of my old gang. As hard as Kicker and Autumn tried, they couldn’t even get themselves ready enough not to die in battle, let alone everyone else. And you know the really sad part?”

Shadow really, really did not want to know. But she stayed silent.

”If I hadn’t had that friend in Records, I wouldn’t have known. The First Order never would have told me that the closest thing I had to a family died, and never even got a proper burial to their names. Never even got real _names_.”

Shadow felt something in that statement strike a cord with Hawk and she shot him a glance. They couldn’t afford to let their guard down. This was the Resistance they were talking to. They were full of tricks.

Finn took a deep breath, and to her surprise, Shadow could feel that all of his sadness was genuine.

”I never got to say goodbye to my friends. I wish I’d never had to wish I did. If you join us and help us find _your_ friends, we can make sure you never have to lose them too early. And if you do, we can make sure you at least get a chance to say goodbye.”  
  


“You’re the leader, right?” Poe asked her gently, “If you picked a side, the others would follow you?”

”I never said I was the leader,” Shadow objected sharply, finally finding something suspicious to grasp onto, “Have you been spying on us?”

”No,” Poe said simply, “I saw the way you keep trying to comfort your friend—keep him calm. Your instincts are telling you to keep him safe. That makes you either the leader or the mom friend or both, and that’s no Force thing. That’s just a people thing. I’ve seen it enough times to recognize it.”

”Mom friend?” Hawk asked, as always, focusing on the _important_ thing.

”Doesn’t matter,” Finn said quickly, “What’s your name, kid?”

”Hawk,” Hawk blurted out, not thinking. He cringed, realizing what he’d just done, but Shadow could sense that he didn’t really regret it.

”Hawk,” Finn said, “Shadow.”

He looked at them each respectively as he said their names, making sure they were listening.

”You do have a choice, here. You can say no to all this. If you do, we’ll drop you off on the nearest planet still under Order control. If not, well... you can figure things out here.”

Shadow sensed Hawk’s gaze on her. Poe was right. He and the others would follow where she lead. If that meant following her straight into a rebellion, they’d do that. They would question it, try to change her mind, maybe, but they’d follow her. Shadow wasn’t just making this decision for herself. She had to choose carefully. She had to choose _right_.

“We’ll give you some time to think about it,” Finn said, leaving the room, grabbing Poe’s arm to make him follow.

As soon as they were alone, Shadow sighed.

”Speak your mind, Hawk.”

”Do you think they could be right?” Hawk asked softly, “Shadow, he didn’t feel insincere. Neither of them did.”

”I know. That doesn’t make them right.”

”Yeah, I know,” Hawk admitted, “But maybe... maybe the First Order isn’t, either.”

”Hawk.”

”Shadow, we have a bond with our pack. We would sense if something happened to them. That’s how we knew when... when you-know-who left us. But not all troopers can be as lucky as us. Don’t we all deserve a chance to mourn? A chance to even know when people we care for are gone?”

”The Resistance is fighting for a disorderly universe,” Shadow argued, “The First Order is stopping that. We were taught that our whole lives. We fought for that and watched people die all around us for it. It can’t just be wrong.”

”Maybe it is,” Hawk said quietly, “I don’t like it any more than you, but you remember what Dusty used to tell us when we were worried about getting deployed? He said we wouldn’t have to worry about it until we turned 18. And here we are; 15 and already watching our classmates die around us.”

”Dusty might have been a few years our elder, but he was wrong about a lot,” Shadow muttered, “But...”

”If they lied about the deployment age, what else could they have lied about?”

Shadow was silent for a second. She was making the decision for her entire pack. She needed to choose correctly, or they would all suffer the consequences.

...

Finn watched the two teenage troopers talk.

All he could think was how they were _so_ young.

They were too young to have seen much battle, if any at all. They hadn’t seen their fellow troopers fire on innocent people without question yet. They hadn’t seen friends fall with no one who would care to remember them.

The fact that they hadn’t seen all that meant that what was left of the First Order wasn’t completely heartless. They weren’t ready to send teenagers into real battles, but they were desperate enough to set them at guard positions. Still wrong, but that meant that Shadow and her friends hadn’t seen what the First Order was really capable of.

It was a roll of the dice whether she would choose the right side.

”They said we could leave whenever we wanted,” Hawk pointed out, “What would be the harm in seeing how the Resistance works for a little while?”

Shadow laughed harshly, “Oh, Hawk. Now that I’m really thinking about it, we can never go back. If we try, we’ll be called deserters. We’ll be as good as dead.”

Finn inhaled sharply, realizing that she was right. These kids had lost their right to choose the minute he’d agreed to take them off that base.

Poe seemed to realize the same thing, putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder as if to let him know that it wasn’t really his fault.

The kids were silent, seeming to have a conversation that extended beyond words, somewhere in the Force.

”If we don’t have a choice...” 

Shadow finished Hawk’s thought, “What’s the harm in trying?”

Maybe it wasn’t the way he’d wanted it to happen, but Finn exhaled a sigh of relief.


	4. Forests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s where things get interesting. :)

_Shadow kept thinking about how she could have thrown him across the room with a thought._

_She wasn’t scared, like everyone else in their training group was. Like they were meant to be. She was angry. She was so damn angry she couldn’t think and barely had time to rush out into the woods, running herself somewhere out east of the base, miles away in minutes. No one normal would be able to make it that far in such a short time but she didn’t care. She needed a release.  
_

_Relatively safe, Shadow let go of everything and just_ screamed _._

_The ground shook as she forced her anger out, the trees quaking from their roots and little forest critters fleeing in all directions. Shadow wished they wouldn’t. She needed something to hurt right now. She needed something else to feel pain for once._

_One scream couldn’t release everything inside. Shadow roared a battle cry, punching a tree so hard it cracked and fell. She couldn’t stop._

_There was nothing but pain and anger. And all that power had to go somewhere._

...  
  


Shadow liked this forest a lot better than the one she’d been trained near. It seemed more real, somehow. More alive. It was a lot more green, instead of the muted colors of a snow-covered canopy.

If the way her friend’s energy spiked in positivity was any indication, Hawk liked it, too.

”Out here is where Rey does Jedi training,” Finn explained, “Um, Rey’s our resident Jedi. She has all these training courses she runs, taught by the Skywalker Twins, themselves.”  
  


“The Skywalker Twins?” Hawk asked.

“You don’t know about them?” Finn asked incredulously, “I mean, come on. I was a trooper, too, and I’d heard of the Skywalker Twins.”

”We thought they were a myth,” Shadow clarified.

”Oh,” Finn said, “Okay. Anyway, I run these courses, too. I’m not really a full Jedi yet, but I’m learning. I can try to teach you some of the courses if you want. Or I can ask Rey to. I’m not sure if you’d prefer a woman to teach you or whatever. Anyway...”

He kept droning on, but Shadow had blocked him out by then, instead focusing on the sheer amount of _color_ around her. Shadow had heard stories of worlds like this, of course, but she’d never seen a color this bright up close.

”Nice scenery, right?” Poe asked, also seeming to be ignoring Finn’s rambling, “It makes a nice change from the cold, dark vacuum of space.”

”I suppose,” Shadow said shortly. She still didn’t trust any of the rebels.

”My mom taught me about plants when I was a kid,” Poe explained, “She had this magic tree when I was little. Pretty sure that’s the only reason she even cared about plants, but...”

”Your mother had a magic tree?” Shadow asked skeptically.

”Yeah. Come on, it’s not that far-fetched. _Your_ mom had a magic baby.”

Shadow flinched. It was an unspoken thing among troopers that you didn’t mention parents unless you wanted people to hate you. Even if you remembered a family, chances are, those memories came with a less than happy one. But more likely, you had no idea who your parents were. It was a thing most troopers shared. Shadow had wondered about her parents before. Who they were and if they missed her, if they were even still alive. Did she have siblings? Had her family tried to fight for her? Tried to stop her from being taken?

She knew she would never know. Hawk could be her real blood brother for all Shadow would ever find out. The First Order’s databases had largely been erased once Kylo Ren died. What were the chances the details on specific troopers had survived? And even if they had, no one would ever be able to crack them, considering everyone who had access was probably dead.

”Sorry,” Poe muttered suddenly, “That sounded really insensitive. But you should know that here, it doesn’t really matter who your family is. If you want a family, you find one.”

Shadow just shrugged. She could sense that Poe was legitimately trying to be nice, but it wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t interested in making friends. Only surviving.

“How goes the tour?” A young woman asked as she walked up.

”Rose!” Finn exclaimed, hugging her (Shadow ignored how Poe stiffened as he did), “Shadow, Hawk, this is Rose. A good friend of mine.”

“Nice to meet both of you,” Rose said warmly, “Um, I actually came out here to ask if anyone has seen Rey lately. _The Falcon_ blew a circuit and I was wondering if she wanted to fix it herself or if she would be okay with me doing it.”

”If you fix it, she doesn’t have to know, right?” Poe answered with a shrug.

”I know how to build stuff,” Hawk offered, “And fix stuff.”

Shadow cringed internally. She could already tell that while he was by no means trusting them, Hawk wanted more than anything to make these people to like him.

Shadow knew that the niceness couldn’t last. They were just building up loyalty so they could use their power. Nobody was this nice without an ulterior motive.

”I’d be glad for some help,” Rose said with a smile.

”I’ll come, too,” Shadow said warily.

She could only protect Hawk as long as they stayed together.

...

_”What did I say?”_

_Shadow was trying to hide her fear. Ren could respect that, but it would get her no where. Anyone attuned to the Force would pick up on how terrified she was right now._

_”You said to not use our powers except in training,” she said quietly._

_”And why was that?” Ren asked, trying to keep his tone from being angry._

_”Because if anyone suspects anything, we could get hurt.”_

_”That’s right,” Ren agreed, “So you can sit out from training today.”_

_”What?”_

_Now she had the courage to be angry. Interesting.  
_

_”Was there a concern?”_

_Shadow looked down, staring hard at the ground, “No. Nothing.”_

_”That’s what I thought.”_

_Ren took a deep breath before turning to the other cadets. He’d probably have to pay off an instructor to keep anyone from commenting on Shadow’s absence this afternoon. What he did to keep these kids safe. Force give him strength._

_”That’s not fair.”_

_At first, Ren thought it was Shadow speaking, but it was another girl, one he wasn’t very familiar with yet. The one with curly black hair and dark skin._

_”Why not?” he asked, “Shadow disobeyed the rules, so she got consequences.”_

_”You didn’t even ask her why she disobeyed the rules,” the cadet said stubbornly, “If you had, you would have found out that she only did it because of what happened to Hawk.”_

_”That’s right,” the blond cadet agreed, stepping up to stand with his friend._

_It was then that Ren realized the boy was sporting a black eye and favoring his left leg. Though the dim evening light didn’t let him see it well physically, he could feel the boy’s pain through the Force._

_Hawk had gotten his name because he moved as quick and lightly as a bird in combat, with the ferocity of a predator. Clearly, it hadn’t helped helped him against whatever had hurt him._

_Ren sighed and turned back to Shadow._

_”What happened?”_

_”Hawk pulled back in combat training,” she answered, “Like you told us to. But one of our instructors thought he wasn’t trying hard enough and... and he hit him in the face, really hard. Hawk fell and—“_

_”And the teacher started kicking me,” Hawk finished, “If I tried to get up, he just kicked me harder to push me down.”_

_”I was just so angry,” Shadow said tightly, “I needed to get it out. If it wasn’t going to be by smashing that teacher’s face in, it had to be by something else.”_

_Hearing the story made Ren’s blood boil. Sore muscles and minor hits from sparring were one thing, but actively beating a defenseless cadet who was in no position to even try to fight back?_

_Shadow had been reacting to not being able to help her friend without revealing what she was. Even with the risk she’d created, Ren couldn’t find it in himself to blame her. Back when he and the Knights of Ren were kids, back when they were actually close, he probably would have done the same thing in her position._

_And the way Shadow’s stance was almost imperceptibly guarded... she was expecting Ren to hit her for daring to talk back. That made him take a step back, nodding towards the others._

_”What are you waiting for? Get ready for training, all three of you.”_

_Ren let them believe he missed the relieved smiles they exchanged._

...

”So, while the kids are with Rose..?” Poe phrased it as a question, having no idea what they should do. 

Finn shrugged, “Well, we should probably check where we can bunk them tonight.”

”Okay.”

Poe wasn’t disappointed at all that Finn didn’t want to just hang out.

It wasn’t like Poe didn’t care about those kids. He did. He wanted to help them, too. But it seemed like the cycles since they’d first met Shadow were spent only talking about this girl and her pack or trying to help them. Poe got that Finn felt responsible. He got that he wanted to save them.

Hell, maybe he just hated the way the other man kept beating himself up. Finn hadn’t been sleeping much lately. He only ate when Poe, Rose, or Rey reminded him. Poe wasn’t sure what he was feeling guilty for, but he sure hated how he couldn’t save him from it.

This had nothing to do with the way he loved seeing Finn’s smile and the fact that he hadn’t seen it much recently.

Normally, Poe might leave the touchy-feely stuff to Rey, since Finn kind of seemed to prefer her company, but she was on her own mission with BB8 and Chewie, so Poe guessed the touchy-feely stuff fell to him.

”So,” Poe said finally as they reached the barracks, “Do you want to talk about what’s been bothering you lately?”

”What? Nothing’s been bothering me.”

”Uh-huh, and R2 never swears. You’ve barely eaten or slept since we first met our lovely little rays of Force-sensitive sunshine.”

”I’m fine.”

The tone in his voice told Poe that he definitely wasn’t.

”Come on, you can tell me what’s—“

”Nothing’s wrong, Poe,” Finn insisted, his voice so hard he definitely meant it, “Drop it. Please.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have, but Poe dropped it.

...

Hawk was woken up by someone shaking him, hard. There was a presence in his new room he could distinctly sense, even not having opened his eyes yet.

”Ugh. Shadow?”

”Wake up,” the girl said urgently, “Wake up, Hawk. Come on, get up. Now. I don’t know how much time we have.”

”To do what?” Hawk asked, managing to sit up sleepily.

”To get the hell out of here before someone notices. We’re leaving for the most distant system we can find _tonight_.”


	5. Running Away?

After a few hours of tossing and turning, Rey decided that sleep was overrated, anyway, and that there was probably a reason she was being kept awake.

Even if her own understanding of the Force was... tentative, she knew enough to feel that something was up. Just a slight disturbance in the balance, a shift that was coming from... from the landing strip.

Rey pulled on a cloak, grabbed her lightsaber just in case, and decided to check if her suspicions were correct.

Sure enough, as she got closer, she heard a loud clatter that was _almost_ loud enough to be heard from the barracks. 

Then a voice cursed quietly in what Rey was pretty sure was Mando’a. A distinctly female voice that she recognized, unfortunately.

”Shh!” 

”Shh, yourself!”

So, they were both here. Both of the rescued storm troopers were running on their first night.

Not totally unexpected, if Rey was being honest.

She’d hoped they might stay willingly, of course. It meant so much to Finn to save them. It meant enough that he’d been working on it with everything he had. He’d even called Jannah and asked her to stop by as soon as she could so Shadow and Hawk had more than one redemption story to go by.

But Rey had sensed their uncertainty where Finn didn’t want to admit he did. They didn’t trust him. They didn’t trust anyone.

After what they had gone through, all the First Order’s brainwashing, Rey would have been amazed if they did.

Still, it was slightly disappointing that they were trying to go the first night. 

Rey crept through the shadows, not letting them see her, but wanting to see what they did.

They were fueling up a single transport, doing their best to get it ready with knowledge they’d probably learned _here_ , probably from Rose or someone.

”Shad, where are we even going?” Hawk asked.

”I don’t know.”

The girl’s voice was hard in a way Rey recognized, somehow.

”Just somewhere that’s not here.”

Hawk sighed, “Do we have to? Everyone’s so nice here, Shadow. We’ve already established that the First Order did a lot of messed up things—maybe we should stay and find out—“

Shadow laughed harshly, “Do you even hear yourself? Are you really this naive? People aren’t this nice. They just aren’t. These people are only acting like this because they want to use us for our power, and the easiest way to do that is if we’re loyal to them.”

”And that’s not what the First Order was doing?”

”I never said that,” Shadow said, then sighed, “Look, Hawk, we aren’t going back. Not ever. But we can’t stay here, either. ...at least the First Order didn’t hide that they were using us.”

Hawk just nodded, “Okay. Okay, I guess maybe you’re right. But shouldn’t we take some time to learn what the First Order has done without our commanders acting as a filter?”

Shadow stopped her work to come over and put her hand on her friend’s shoulder, “We will. Just not here.”

“Okay. But I will ask again; where are we actually going? We need to have an actual destination in mind before we—“

“I sense it, too.”

Rey was somewhat impressed. From how long it had taken Leia to teach her to do it efficiently, she hadn’t thought kids that age would know how to sense other beings through the Force on purpose. Not yet, anyway.

”If you’re running away, you’re not going to want to take that thing,” she said, coming out from behind the crates, “It doesn’t even have a hyperdrive. You wouldn’t get very far.”

”How did you find us?” Shadow asked sharply.

”You’re not the only ones here who can use the Force.”

”You’re her,” Hawk realized suddenly, “The scavenger Jedi who killed Ren. Rey.”

Rey noted the hurt in the boy’s voice, and the tension in his and his friend’s stances. That, combined with the pang of sadness not just coming from her through the Force, could only mean one thing.

They had known him, somehow. They’d known him well enough to mourn him.

Rey pushed her own feelings aside and responded.

”You think I killed B—Kylo Ren?”

Hawk’s shoulders slumped, “That was another lie they told us, then?”

Rey nodded, even as she felt a spike of disbelief from Shadow.

“Well, if you’re not going to stop us,” the girl said calmly, “Which ship would you suggest we take?”

Maz had once said that sometimes different people have the same eyes. At the time, Rey hadn’t known what to think of that, but now... she recognized something in the walls Shadow had built up. The way she’d been hurt before and wanted to run to keep from getting hurt again was a bit like Finn when she’d first met him. The way she was fiercely protective of her best friend was a lot like Poe had always been. And the way she acted like she didn’t care when she quite clearly _did_...

Ben. That was all Ben.

As for Hawk, Rey could see traces of the gentle protectiveness Rose reserved for people she loved, and of course the courage to be kind that Finn was still getting used to showing, but the person he reminded her most of was... well, herself. Rey could see in his eyes how much he cared for his family. How much he _wanted_ a family.

And whether or not he agreed with her, right now, Shadow was the only family he had. Which meant he would follow her to the ends of the universe.

Just like Rey would do for her family of friends.

Even if that dependence wasn’t totally healthy, and was something Rey herself needed to work on, right now she had to use the about five minutes she still had before one of them got impatient to get her message across. Shadow was doing what she thought was best for Hawk. Rey had to convince her that staying was what was best, whether that was by convincing the girl herself, or convincing Hawk so that he would do his best to convince his friend.

”I’d take that one,” Rey said finally, pointing to a small cargo shuttle that, as far as she knew, no one was currently using, “ _The Blue Dawn_. She’s pretty fuel-efficient and has an autopilot, because correct me if I’m wrong, but neither of you knows how to fly.”

Neither teenager argued. Neither of them dropped their guard at all.

”Thank you,” Shadow said shortly before turning towards the ship.

Hawk made a tiny slip in his hesitation to follow her, and Rey figured he might be her only chance to make them stay.

”I won’t stop you, but I should probably offer you some advice,” Rey called.

Shadow ignored her, already prepping the ship for takeoff as best she knew how.

Hawk didn’t turn around, but he stopped walking, which probably meant he was listening.

Rey would only get one shot at this. She took a deep breath.

”If you’re looking for a home, you’ll never find one by running,” she said, “The closest you’ll ever get is a roof over your head while you wait for something right to find you. And you can wait as long as you want, but it won’t come.”

Hawk’s response was almost too quiet to hear.

”Then how do you find a home?”

Rey smiled, “You go out, and you find people who make anywhere feel like home. And I’m not saying that’s here for you. But here, there are people who want you. Here, there are people who are willing to try to make this home. It’s your choice to stay or not. Just make sure you don’t waste time wishing for something that’ll never come. It works better if you go and make it yourself.”  
  


Rey smiled to herself, wondering how different her life would be if she had just ignored the sounds of a panicked droid years ago.

”Or in my case, go and save it.”

Knowing she’d said all she could, the last Jedi headed back for the barracks.

...

_Ren stopped trekking through the snow with a sigh._

_Training the kids a few miles from the base was the safest thing for them. But the fact that they had to make the trip back in one direction and he had to go back to his tie fighter in the other made it exceedingly obvious when one of them was following him._

_As the tie was already in view, there was only one cadet who could have gotten this far without him noticing. One cadet who excelled at stealth because he had a habit of subconsciously matching his energy to his environment to accommodate whoever he was with._

_”Come on out, Hawk.”_

_Proving once again that Ren had chosen the right name for him, the boy dropped from a nearby tree, falling maybe 20 feet before landing lightly on his feet as if he had air under invisible wings. In the 2 days since Ren had seen him hurt, he’d gotten better quickly. The Hawk looked like his bruises were barely bothering him at all._

_”You stood up for us,” he said pointedly._

_”Who says I did?”_

_”The fact that one of the teachers stopped himself from hitting a cadet when he got angry.”_

_Ren knew his mask was on, and Hawk couldn’t read his expression, but he had to be careful to shield his thoughts and emotions from someone who’s style of mind tricks was more like skillful infiltration._

_“Ask me what you really want to know,” he challenged._

_Hawk shuffled his feet uncertainly, “You always say that we have to act normally or we’ll get hurt. Then you go out of your way to make the teachers stop hurting us. Why?”_

_Ren took a deep breath and stepped closer to the cadet, hating how the boy instinctively took a step back, bracing himself._

_”All I did was tell them that physical punishments are only wasting valuable learning time. Don’t worry. No one suspects a thing.”_

_”I’m not worried,” Hawk protested, “I’m confused. I don’t get why you did it.”_

_Ren took another deep breath, putting what he hoped was a comforting hand on Hawk’s shoulder._

_”Hawk, there’s a whole other world out there where hurting children is seen as shameful. And I truly hope that someday you get to see that world.”_

_..._

Hawk didn’t know what to do.

On the one hand, Shadow was all he had left. He didn’t know if the other guys still thought of him and Shadow or even if they were still alive. But he did know that he still cared about them, even if they were stupid enough to believe the First Order’s lies. After all, _he’d_ been stupid enough to believe them. But the main point was that Shadow wanted to go, and Hawk sure as hell wasn’t letting her go alone.

And on the other hand... everyone in the Resistance seemed nice. They didn’t seem to be faking. Not all of them even had the Force, so Hawk didn’t see how they _could_ be faking.

Rey had told him in an enigmatic, mysterious way that he couldn’t find a home by running from the only chance he’d ever seen to be accepted. He could tell her motives weren’t _entirely_ as simple as wanting him to find what he was looking for, but he was willing to take that with how he couldn’t feel anything but genuine caring about his wellbeing and maybe a bit of sadness from her.

Shadow sighed as they sat down in the pilot and copilot seats, not even powering the ship up.

”Spit it out.”

For a second, he didn’t.

”She wasn’t lying,” Hawk said finally, “All her advice was what she genuinely thought.”

”You want to stay.”

”Do you see anywhere else acting halfway decent to us?”

Shadow was silent for a beat before responding.

”Hawk, we can’t trust—“

”We can’t or you can’t?”

They both flinched at his harsh words. 

Hawk sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

”No, you’re right,” Shadow admitted, “I made the call to leave without asking. We’re not in the army anymore and I’m still acting like I’m the boss of you. It’s just... every time we care about someone, we get hurt, Hawk. Every time. And I don’t ever want to hurt like that again. Whether I’m feeling your pain or my own or both, I don’t want to feel like that again.”

”I know,” he said, putting a hand on his friend’s arm, “But unless we risk it, we’re never going to find a home. Not for us, and not for the others once we get them back.”

The brunette scoffed, “If they’re even still alive.”

”They are,” Hawk insisted, “You know they are.”

Shadow turned, not looking at him. Hawk could sense her uncertainty like a red flag sticking out of her head. Everything built into her wanted to run, but deep down, where she’d never let anyone sense, Hawk included, there might be a part of her that was just as desperate for a home and a family as he was.

”Look, if you want to run, I won’t let you go alone,” he promised, “But would it really be so bad if we gave it...I don’t know, a week? And then if you still want to go, I’ll come with you.”

”I’d never ask you to do that. Running now, before we have the chance to get attached is one thing; I’d never ask you to leave a friend.”

”Hey. These people might be nice, but they’re not family.”

Shadow took a deep breath and looked over at him with a tight smile, “So I guess we’re staying?”

Hawk nodded, “For now, if you’d be okay with that.”

”In that case, I really hope you remember where your cabin is, because I sure don’t.”

Hawk struggled to keep his laugh quiet as they snuck back to the barracks.


End file.
